The Unforgettables
by NoMereMortal
Summary: Castle and Beckett clash over a case and his role on the team. Can't really say any more than that. Oneshot.


A/N: This one's a little dark in that it deals with a difficult subject, but it's not gruesome, I promise.

The Unforgettables

It was still quite early when she'd called him. The sky was just starting to lighten but the sun wouldn't make it over the horizon for some time yet. There was a body. She didn't have any details, but she'd given him the address and he'd agreed to meet her at the scene.

When he arrived he found the usual – the yellow tape ringing the sidewalk, the uniforms outside protecting the crime scene. As he approached and made to duck under the tape, a uniform he recognized approached him. "Sorry Castle. You can't go in."

"Whaddya mean Sully?"

"I have specific instructions that you are not to enter this crime scene. Sorry brother. Although, from what I hear, you're better off."

"Who told you I can't go in? Why?"

"Beckett. She came out a few minutes ago and told me to stop you here. Not let you past the tape."

"Why? What's going on?"

"It's pretty bad in there."

"C'mon Sully, I've been on how many crime scenes now?"

"Look, Castle, the boss lady says you don't go, I gotta keep you out."

"Alright, alright."

He took out his phone and called her but she didn't pick up.

"Y r u keeping me out?" he texted.

About 5 minutes later she came out from the building, removing her gloves as she walked through the door, obviously looking for him.

"What's going on? Why'd you tell Sully to keep me out here?"

He hadn't missed the look on her face. She was pale, her face drawn. She hadn't made eye contact.

She walked under the yellow crime scene tape and led him a few steps away from the looky loos, to the other side of the squad car parked at the curb.

"You're not working this one," she said quietly, still not looking at him.

"You called me, told me to meet you here. When I arrive, Sully says I can't go in to the scene and you're telling me I can't work this case? What is going on Beckett?"

"Look, Castle…..Rick…I…I'll explain it to you, I promise, just not right now. Give me a little while longer to finish up, ok?"

The use of his first name wasn't lost on him. She never called him Rick. She never looked like this at a crime scene. She seemed….shaken. Like whatever she'd just seen had penetrated the infamous Beckett armor and done some damage.

"Are you ok?" He grabbed her hand, and was surprised when she didn't immediately pull away. It was cold as ice.

She squeezed his hand a moment, then told him to go home and she'd call him in a while. She walked back past him and under the tape.

* * *

When she and the boys arrived back at the precinct he was there, talking on his cell, sitting in his chair by her desk. He ended the call as they approached.

Ryan and Espo had looks similar to what he'd seen on Beckett's face earlier. They said subdued 'hellos' to Castle and went directly to their desks. What the hell?

"What are you doing here Castle? I told you you are not working this case."

"Kate, what is going on? Why does everyone look like they just lost their best friend, and why all of a sudden am I persona non grata on your crime scene?"

She pulled him into the break room and closed the door. "Listen, Castle….I just need you to not get involved in this one, ok?"

"No, Kate, it's not ok. I thought I had become a real member of this team. I carry my weight here, don't I?"

"You do – you know you do. And I do consider you a member of this team - as much as it pains me to say, because I know you'll make me live to regret saying it - you are my partner. My annoying, childish, ADD, incapable of following orders, unarmed partner…"

"Then why all of a sudden are you shutting me out? And why are you so affected by this case?"

She walked over to the espresso machine and made herself busy making a cup. They were both silent for a full minute while he stared at her back.

"It's a kid."

"What?"

She turned around and leaned her back against the counter, staring at her shoes a second before meeting his gaze. He was shocked at the look in her eyes. He didn't think he'd ever seen her so forlorn.

"The vic…..it's a kid."

She saw his face fall. That was all the affirmation she needed that she was doing the right thing by keeping him far away from this one.

"It looks like a child abuse case. I don't think it'll take long to wrap up."

He swallowed, nodded his head and then found his voice. It came out as more of a whisper. "Ok, well, as horrible as that sounds, I don't want to be kept off the case. I want to help nail the sick bastard that would murder a child."

She took a deep breath and looked away, stared into the corner a moment, then looked back.

"You're my friend, Castle….. One of the best, if not _the_ best I've ever had….. I'm asking you, as your friend, to just stay away from this."

"Kate, I don't understand. Is it that you think I can't handle it? I mean, I've been on so many crime scenes with you, I've been in autopsies in the morgue…"

"This is different," she said adamantly, pinning him with an intense look. "And you are not working this case. That's final. Go home. I'll call you for the next one." She walked out without another word. He left a minute later without a backwards glance.

Ugh, she felt bad. She knew she'd pissed him off, maybe even hurt him a little, but she was doing it for his own good, she rationalized. The lunch that he'd had delivered a little while later made her feel even more guilty. He must've been ordering it when they'd arrived. Crap. She needed to talk to him after work tonight. Explain herself better. She hoped she'd be in a better frame of mind by then.

She wasn't really. She'd spent all day working the case, trying not to look at the crime scene photos. She hadn't put them up on the white board this time. They were relegated to a manila folder on her desk, and there they would stay. If they had to look at them they were available, but she drew the line at subjecting everyone in the precinct to color photos of a dead kid posted up on the white board. She needed to wrap this one up in a hurry.

She wondered what it was about the death of a child that penetrated the armor of every hardened professional. People who dealt with death every day. Joked about it in that dark way they all had. It was a defense mechanism, they all knew. Just a way to keep the distance intact, keep that part of themselves that they sheltered behind the walls from becoming contaminated with the evil of the world in which they worked. Not today though - she'd seen the looks today. She was sure her own face mirrored what she saw reflected in the faces of everyone at that scene today. Uniforms, detectives, medics, CSU personnel. Even Perlmutter was affected.

Yes, kids were a different story altogether. One that she would give her right arm to save Castle from experiencing. She just hoped she could make him understand that.

* * *

It was going on 11pm when she arrived at his place. She was exhausted. Emotionally, mentally and physically, but she felt she had to set things right with him. She doubted she'd sleep much anyway.

She hoped he wasn't mad enough to send her away, but if he tried she knew she didn't have the energy to put up much of a fight. Right now she barely had the energy to remain vertical. She knocked and waited.

He was surprised there was someone at his door at that hour, and more surprised to find a very strung out looking detective on his doorstep. He could tell immediately that she was running on empty, and wondered what was so important that she'd made the trip down to his place instead of heading home to bed.

"Detective. Come in. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Hi. I was hoping we could talk for a minute."

"Sure. Have a seat. Did you eat?" he asked as he walked toward the bar and she sat heavily on his couch.

"Not since that lunch you bought. Thanks, by the way. Although it made me feel even worse for cutting you out of this case," she admitted sheepishly.

"Here. Looks like you could use this," he said as he handed her a glass of red wine. "I'll be right back." She took a grateful sip and closed her eyes, resting her head back against his couch.

He returned a few minutes later with a steaming hot bowl of pasta and some Italian bread. He stopped and stared a minute, as she sat there with her eyes closed. He could tell she wasn't asleep. Her face was still so tense. "Here you go," he said quietly, not wanting to startle her. "Hope you don't mind leftovers. I made a big batch earlier."

She didn't answer, but looked at him as if she didn't know what to say.

"I can make you something else if you want…."

"No! No…it looks delicious!" she took the bowl and set it on the coffee table in front of her next to her wine. He poured himself a glass and sat down next to her.

She sat forward and started eating. "Mmm. It _is_ delicious."

"I'm glad you like it." He continued to watch as she ate, silently sipping at his wine. He figured she'd start talking when she was ready.

"You're somethin' else Castle." She said at last with a little shake of her head, still looking down into her bowl.

He gave her a little crooked smile and got that gleam in his eye. "Yes, I know….Ruggedly handsome, rapier wit, _and_ a gourmet cook. I'm not bachelor number 8 for nothin' you know."

She smiled and half turned toward him. "I'm serious….I came here to try to explain myself again. To apologize for today. I wasn't even sure you'd let me in, and here you are….taking care of me. Again."

"It's what you would do for me, Kate."

"I would…I _am_…Do you see?"

He was silent a minute as he thought about his answer. "I'm trying to see….Right now I see that you kept me out of a case that you don't think I'm prepared to handle. Though I thought we were past that. I thought I'd proven myself. That I was a full - fledged ADD, childish, not following orders, irritating, unarmed partner. _Partner_ being the operative word…. Did I leave anything out?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and sardonic smile.

"No, I think you covered it quite nicely," she answered with a little smile of her own. "And by the way, I thought you were bachelor number 9, no?"

He gave her a Beckett eye roll in response. "Whatever…."

She laughed. "How is it that you even make fighting fun?"

He smiled at her. "I don't want to fight with you Kate. We don't have to do this now. I know you have your hands full with this case, and you're tired. We can talk about this after you wrap it up if you want."

"No, I'd like to get this out in the open. It's been bugging me all day, that you left and I didn't make you understand."

"Ok."

She took another few sips from her glass while she tried to organize her thoughts. He waited patiently, seeing her wheels turning as she tried to reformulate what she'd been trying to say earlier.

"People that do this job…and jobs like this – ER docs, MEs, medics, CSU…the occasional mystery writer…." she added with a little smile – "we're a little… _different_…. We've chosen to put ourselves in harm's way. I'm not speaking of physical harm in this case but emotional. Because that's what our jobs demand. Very early on in your career, you develop the armor. The thick skin. The walls. Whatever you want to call it, that thing that shields you emotionally from what your job forces you to deal with on a regular basis. Those that can't develop the skill of self preservation don't last long. They move on rather quickly.

Those of us that have been at this a while….we all have this… file…in our heads. It contains the cases and images that we won't ever forget. The ones we carry around with us. Some just because they're unusual, or funny. But some…. cut a wide path..they take a piece of us while they work their way past the walls and into that file…. Putting a chink in the armor, so to speak. The really tragic ones, the scary, the gruesome, the unsolvable…. All of them are what I call The Unforgettables. We all have that file in our heads. You have one by now, I know you do."

"I never thought of it that way, but yes, I suppose I do."

They were both quiet for another minute. Again he waited, knowing she wasn't finished. She was staring down into her wine glass as she swirled it.

"When we drive around the city, it's like a running commentary in my head sometimes. We pass by places where I've worked a murder scene or made an arrest, every day. I _remember_ every day. Some in exquisite detail, some are just a faded recollection that I had a case in that building, that park, that bodega, whatever"….. She looked over at him. "Have you started doing that yet?"

"Yeah, I have."

Another pause.

"What I'm getting at here Castle is that I know you're one of us. I know you have the experience, and I know you've built up the defenses. I know you're about as well armored emotionally as any of us at the precinct…." She sighed a deep sigh. "_But it's a kid, and there is no defense for this."_

She was looking him in the eye now as she talked. She took a deep breath and let out another tired sigh.

"When you asked me why we all looked like we'd lost our best friend, why we were so affected by this case, it's because when it's a kid, we can't defend ourselves against that. It's like….its like Kryptonite – all our superpowers, all our armor, it's all useless. Gone. Stripped bare. This case is a direct deposit in that big ol' Unforgettables file, and it cuts a wide, deep path in our psyches on its way in. We're _feeling_ this one - just like real people - just like all the mere mortals out there."

"That's perfectly understandable Kate, and…"

"I need you to understand then why I'm keeping you away from this case." She hopped up from the couch and started pacing in front of the coffee table. He shifted and sat on the arm of the couch, wanting to be on the same level, but giving her her space.

"It's not that you couldn't contribute. You could, I'm absolutely sure. You're good at this Castle. Scary good sometimes….but when it really comes down to it….you don't _have_ to be on this case. I _do_… Ryan and Esposito and Perlmutter…we don't really have choice. But when it came to you today, I did have a choice, and I'm glad. Thirty years from now, we will all still remember that crime scene, the little broken body, the blood, the smells – all of it will be there in that file forever in our brains as if it just happened. But I thank God, _it's not in yours_. It's not because you can't handle it. You can, just as well as Espo or Ryan or me. I don't doubt it. But why should you? Why should you carry that around? Why should you have to see that image every night when you close your eyes?"

She stopped pacing and faced him. "The bottom line is this Castle…Like it or not, I chose to keep you out today to protect you. I am sorry if that hurts your feelings… but I'm not sorry for doing it."

He looked down, reached out slowly and grabbed her hand as he'd done that morning and just held her fingers, stroking his thumb along the back of her hand.

"I think I understand…. Supergirl couldn't do anything to save herself or the others, but she could save me." They both smiled.

"It's what you would do for me, Castle."

He stood up from the arm of the couch, and pulled her into a hug. He was surprised she let him, and frankly, so was she. But it just felt so good.

"I would do anything for you, partner."

"I know. Me too."

End.


End file.
